I have questions and even the family doctors and doctors in the family can’t quench that and Ricky at youth group said, “Try me,” said he’d have every answer for each unsolvable question, when all he really had was a parody version of Angels, titled Bagels, that won an easy audience (religious girls are notorious). And it’s a marvel, really, I’m not divorced already, didn’t spawn a family before a first job, not that there’s anything wrong with that necessarily, it’s just promise rings and prayer groups and vocal declarations say otherwise.
And Ricky’s on Facebook but every hover add button is his garlic tongue, that his wife must suck and loll on. But I don’t.
You sold us all out, thinking you were her rescuer, the only one looking for her. And for these years, 154, you’ve waited, sure she was stuck, and aside from seeing mortals play out succinctly, you’ve meditated only on her release and how you’d orchestrate it.
But she was never in there. And she never once returned to tell you that. She could’ve called, written, texted if she knows how, but maybe she doesn’t. Not all technology’s an easy sell when you’re set on something else entirely.
She could look like Madonna now, and I’m never completely sure how Madonna looks now because she evolves quicker than tap water: some days it tastes like chlorine, others bi-carbonate. There’s salt collecting in your teeth dips.
I’m an uneasy clasp and you’re a herb-avoider, and we’re an unlikely pair and we’re respective losses, respect each other’s losses, because we’ve accidentally left precious organs and keepsakes and cash in carrier bags which people mistook for trash and the reluctance to touch tongues is a high-school seventh heaven humiliation in a full changing room of half-dressed girls coaxed to strip by gym teachers who understand hierarchies better than history teachers. They paid their way through college with a retail-job-string, know that sentences are misleading, that there’s no greater nihilism than high-street fashion, and once you’ve sold a sweat shop jumper to somebody’s husband, there’s only one other challenge and that’s a simple button path to a treasure spot on a map Emma drew at 12 when she said, “Fuck people so they like you.” But it never worked for her really. And I’m a nervous undresser, and I imagine one day you’ll be a George Clooney-type, in your own entirely, and I’ll sew curtain hems until the fabric fits windows perfectly. I’m the girl that once seemed more than her worth; a cup of rice feeding a village for 20 cents.