I ask Jack what wrong is. Can he quantify it? This is a man whose answers are too specific for pub quiz questions: like the star signs of each of the Spice Girls, how often Matt Damon washes his hands.
Jack says, “I can’t tell you which choice to make, or even label every choice that’s on the table. I can tell you what I want, what I think you want, but then it’s getting into speculation; even Perez Hilton’s not right every single time. And me neither.”
But at church there were such clear rights and wrongs I fell asleep sorry for something, every morning a flu-like guilt squeezing my stomach like a stress-ball in the shape of a heart sure that the pumping action was helping. Then there was only purge, purge, purge.
I will stop caring and you won’t know it. You’ll be oblivious like you were to Sarah Chalke joining Roseanne, or Russell Brand leaving radio, just the one station specifically.
And the days sweep so that some sight lines are totally obscured and you forget what genuineness is, that genuineness is a word, not mistake, and every attribute you sought to high-school-lose, and acclimatise until you were someone else entirely, the man in the office that girl-gets, you accentuate until you’re the stereotyped version of yourself and you don’t know how you got there: think Zach Braff, after the indie film which should’ve cemented personality but somehow didn’t.
But there’s still time to rewrite your own version and not buckle to other people’s storylines for you: I think Zach’s on stage now. I watch you sink into carpet like it’s coffee and you’re Demerara and you almost integrate entirely, and the carpet is office gray.
Jack says, “I don’t get why terrorists in films, hit men on TV, have such nondescript accents, could be from any country in Europe really, and sometimes it’s not implied where they’re from or why they’re doing what they are.”
“What’s worse,” I tell him, “are the sideline story lines, the inconsequential ones, taking place next to kidnappings or shootings, that involve reality TV show actors and their real life girlfriends trying to make names for themselves as the series curtails, 3 seasons after the leads left, and we already know they couldn’t get everyone back, that cutting deals was tough, that Chad will be back wife-less and Nathan’s in less episodes then everyone else, so we can only assume he’s dead, or partially buried at the least.”