It’s easy to blame timing, like time has a choice or is altering us, choosing situations for us, making crappy decisions on our behalves.
The first time you caught him looking during lunch or before work, you should’ve done something. Whether it’s right or wrong, whether there’s such thing as a right and a wrong, definitely, definitively, you should’ve been more forthright in forging a perfect life, or at least one you can cope with. But you don’t believe in absolutes. You’re pretty contradictory. You’re a Jessica Simpson fan.
Every missed try, like that time you talked on the group trip and he told you as clearly as he could, and you pretended not to hear, is lost skin, possessions you had at school that Charlotte stole, music you’ve over-listened to. Feelings you can’t get back.
Jack says, “The thing about the location is you don’t have to love it. In fact, you hardly have to like it, because marriage is more than eighty pound a head venues or perfect backdrops for photos. All that matters is the moment you say what you should’ve years ago.”
I agree. “The whole thing’s private or should be. I cry at Taylor Swift songs, at The Office, at Dragon’s Den so I hardly need nudging. And the last thing I want’s a performance.”
We play hard to get with other people’s words. We shut down, pretend we’re listening, when really we’re picking TV shows for inspiration and wondering boat or hotel? Or if to just fake it altogether.