Not Calling You

We never thought our vows were invalid, got them officiated when pushed when it looked like the benefits we’d get from stapled sheets of Judge signed paper outweighed the convenience of paying for the service.

Since then I have lied to you, more than I did when we were dating or after we wrote our vows one night after changing our clothes. But the lies are not bigger than you seeing your wife and me or when you flirted with nurses in surgery and didn’t tell me about it.
We weren’t actually together then.

You’ll find the secret I’ve hidden in my belly button like accidental fluff I’m pretending I’ve not seen. Procrastination is a real problem for me. And it’s a thing you can’t un-know or lose, unlike god at all who is forgettable, distanced, a momentary fascination, like induced hallucinations or daydreams or dreams or stories or films or TV. Like you from slow angles like the floor.
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