Third Choice

I am not your first choice, second or third. If the world ends you’d rather die. But I urge you to make a list anyway, of every pro and con. Decide formally before you declare it in front of Alex, Charlie and Tom.

I have hobbies. I’ve seen a lot of movies. I know the names of every Beatles’ song and every Queen one. I’m not averse to bad TV if you like that. We could start with the nineties and work forwards – Ally McBeal and Buffy through to Grey’s Anatomy.

We have more in common than you think. I like my middle name in your mouth and my forename also. I have more money than guys your age. I have a working knowledge of the Bible. I won’t make jokes about virginity, monks, nuns, the sorts of topics you get ribbed for in the canteen. I’ve listened longer than you know.

You are my favourite month now. I met a girl called November but she was married. Otherwise I guess you could call me a fetishist.

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Jane Krakowski

I ask Jack, “Do you remember Ally McBeal?” and he says, “Sure, when we were at school, we’d stay up later than we were meant to, and at the time it seemed good, but I couldn’t tell you what happened now, who they are, how she ended up with Jon Bon Jovi.”

“She didn’t,” I say. “Ally moved to New York, started again, forgot all the men and the office, the ones alive and dead, and each series before, every one leading up, seemed a pointless expense when she didn’t find the one. All that whining got her nowhere.”

“She’s got Indiana now,” Jack says, “So she did okay. And that was the nineties anyway, and 2001 and 2 are responsible for shit like you’ve never seen – A.I. anyone?”

But no-one’s excused, mistakes aren’t erased by an easy confession in a darkened box, and they aren’t by water. Someone will always remember, buy the box set, start a blog for other people’s benefits to stop them watching something that just takes time and is ultimately pointless. Although point is really subjective.

“I liked Elaine,” I say, “I related. She never got noticed the way that she wanted, and everyone dated Calista. At least now, she’s changed, she doing better. I mean, I like them both, but my pity is an in built switch I can’t help feeling. I’ve dated people because of it.”

“Thanks,” Jack says and I say nothing.