I’ve never been good with mantras: having them, keeping them, knowing when I should repeat them. But I really fucking need one right now. I’m not sure what it would be. Something mundane like “You can do this!” or “You’re a good person!” or “Life can be great again!” (Exclamation marks for painful enthusiasm).
Rejection slams any mantra down. Makes you wonder why you made one in the first place. When, really, in rejected times, that’s when you need to cling closer to that mantra, that hope slice, that speck of potential light.
I’ve been told I’m a negative person, that I should really address this if I want people to stay in my life. But this isn’t right. I’m a realist, sarcastic, at times unhopeful, darkly, but that’s not the same as negativity. I might be depressed or anxious, but I get out of bed, I go to work, I cherish my friends and family, especially those who accept every shitty thing about me and still seem to like me.
Being rejected sucks. There’s no way around it. And even with a mantra tattooed on your heart, I can’t promise you won’t slip slide into a sludgy despair pool ready to lung-fill and complete-swallow you. But whatever it was you applied for, tried for, asked for, well, remember the hope you had to do that in the first place? That was all you. And that can be you again.
Sometimes a situation’s too complicated to untangle in your own head and it’s more than fine to ask for help when it is. Things might feel impossibly twisty like they’ll never be okay ever again. And people telling you you’re negative, that you should pick yourself up for them, are an attachable weight that sinks you further.
My advice? Anyone that makes you heavier than you need to be, spreads you with an observation about yourself that’s not only untrue but truly offensive, misinterprets you or tells you to change things about yourself to be more palatable, announces you’re bad at things you know you can solidly do: those people, my friend, can go fuck themselves.
In the middle of a shitfest like this, it can be natural to blame yourself, guilt yourself, wonder if you’re at fault as you’re the common dominator. I can’t beg you enough to talk to your closest friends, tell them everything, even the worst things you’ve done. If they love you, they’ll only ever be there for you.
And if someone continually gives you advice which seems unfair or wrong? Cut them loose. Not everyone’s for keeps. It’s no-one’s fault, but nothing needs to be forever. And my guess is that you’re pretty wonderful. Maybe you’ve made some sketchy decisions, done things your grandma might disapprove of, but who hasn’t? You’re human, and you deserve to be happy.
Been rejected? Don’t worry. We all have. The only mantra you need? “Fuck it!” ❤