Once, I held a pillow in a hospital bed and I thought she might come back and I would move in again and I thought about mothers behind curtains in communal rooms cradling their just washed babies and I knew I’d never own anything and that societal standards aren’t guarantees you’re born with and why would they be? Synthetics buckle to wrists and grips and arms that lifted weights once at the gym but fabric is not skin and pillows are not people (although you can marry them in some countries).