I Don’t Even Own A Calculator

I add up what I’d get on eBay for my CDs and books and even my films, but I sell myself short already and picking prices for my possessions is a little like my dating history.

I stop watching films when the characters make fun of tramps, when that character gets labeled a terrorist as a running joke, especially when Adam Sandler’s playing two people.

I remember each incarnation of Katie Holmes and each is so separate, like my conquests, with only one major trait in common, otherwise they’re strangers. Jack squints as he looks at the line-up, says, “That one looks like Adam Sandler dressed up as a woman, and that one’s Billy Madison.”

Those films go first, then Punch Drunk Love because Craig liked it.

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